Out of all of the things that you could be reading right now (and let's include me in this, so that I could be writing right now), why the heck is it my blog? What is it about this that makes it worthwhile? What am I hoping to accomplish?
So this is me musing about the "importance" of keeping this blog and updating. On the importance of reflecting upon my experiences this summer in writing, in a public forum. Kyle's blog (check it out here) is I believe an important read as it reveals to us the distant readership his life and experiences, and therefore the lives and experiences of those around him, in the city of Tampa as he reaches out to people in deep faith and prayer. Even for those who do not believe in God or fully acknowledge the man and son of God Jesus, his blog is important to read.
Mine though?
I am wondering what mine will be about or if my thoughts are important enough to read. Or do I even find them important enough to write? Clearly, I have trouble getting things down in a "timely" manner... and even more importantly, I am struggling to find time when I can write that isn't detracting from other things I could possibly be doing with my time.
So I face some sort of guilt. Yeah, I know, it's probably not the most thrilling thing to read. But it does make me pause to wonder: should we be caring or worrying about or feeling guilty about all of the time we spend doing, well... pointless or meaningless things? I've watched more television things while here on family vacation at Old Orchard Beach in Maine (Ocean Park to be more specific) than I have in the past year. That's crazy.
Wait, quick photo break.
That's my family in Maine, on the beach. From left to right goes Chris (20), Steve (26), Momma dukes aka Terry aka Ma (26), Kevin (21, soon 22), Dick aka Dad aka Poppa dukes aka.... (65), Me (23), Carrie (24).
I definitely did not tell my parents' ages. Not sure why it's important to hide them or even tell them. Ages all change in a few years anyway, right?
So I guess let me infuse this blog post with something relevant. Carrie left on Tuesday night because she starts work with Women for Women this week. Chris left on Wednesday night. For 4 days, the Matthews Family was together completely for the first time since my graduation, and that was only for a few hours. Before that was almost a full year. THAT is something that is important in life. Family, being together, even in the same room or same house, just in close proximity, is something that has grown more important to me than I have ever realized.
When Carrie and then Chris left, it felt like we were missing something in the house. Their presence was indeed missed. And we were only together for 4 days!
To some of you reading this, nothing I am saying is at all surprising. For others, you may think about your own family and wonder how important their presence is in your life. For even others, you may think that you wish you didn't have to be around your family at all. Whatever the case may be, in my specific case, I love my family, and it is full of crazy individuals. I happen to be the quietest one. For anyone who knows me, that can come as a shock.
But here's the point for me: I wouldn't trade any of them in for the world. They are my family, the people who love me unconditionally, whom I know I can turn to if I fall on impossible times. The people whom God blessed me with to go through this life.
And I am not positive how well they know me :-) Meaning, one thing I've found over the past 5 years of being basically fully separate from them, is that I've changed and experienced a whole heck of a lot at UNH to the point where the person I was is definitely not the person I am today. And yet sometimes my family sees me as the person I was. They definitely understand that "religion" has become super important to me. But I don't think they get me as much as some people at UNH do at the current moment.
Except... then again, they do. They've been there for all of my life. They are the only ones with whom I can recall the majority of my memories, of the experiences that have shaped me and them. And our dynamic is a constantly evolving one that builds upon those experiences, but collectively we reflect upon them and shape and change the importance of them. Let me unpack that a bit.
We discuss past shared experiences as a family occasionally. "Remember when Chris did..." and everyone pipes in with some point or other. But we often correct each other with details, and we think about the importance of that event. Or we dig deeper into events "When you did that, it drastically effected the way I..." and then we understand more about the way we act as a family... and we change the way we act as individuals through these discussions.
That's the part that people at UNH, the ones who "know me the best" in my current form, could never really go through with me. For even the longest tenured friends I've had from UNH only have 4 years of experiences to draw from. My high school friends have much longer than that.
So tonight I will go to sleep thinking about that, wondering if the two worlds will ever collide, and wondering how my faith and God shines through in all of this. Who am I?
I started my professed walk with Christ with that question. And for the 4th time this summer, it has come up again.
I know, I haven't talked about the other times. That's for later.
For now, good night!
~Sean
PS- Harry Potter was good. I'm left with a lot of questions. They never discuss any "religion" in Harry Potter. JK Rowling, were you afraid?
The old has gone and the new has come? One thing I will say is that I am less concerned with defining who I am and more concerned with defining for myself what I am not. Who I am becomes apparent when I act, not when I speak, but understanding who/what I am not helps me to find direction... A good practical example of this I mentioned in my video update, I am not a prosperity gospel preacher, I don't know what that makes me but I know that in response I am going to serve the poor... I would rather focus on doing than being, or action rather than thinking and what I find is that trying to over-complicate my definition of who I am always leads to alot of thinking and no doing...
ReplyDeleteIn order to be doing... read the bible about this sean, read it understanding that the whole book was written from a Hebrew verb emphasis mindset and not a greek noun emphasis mindset like our own. Doing not being. Look at some passages about our actions, out of the overflow of the heart... the eyes are the lamp... good fruit.. tenants...
just some thoughts hope they are helpful or at least "thought" provoking haha ;)